You'll never find better than her..

Is this the fun I've been missing?   This post is dedicated to my bff, I am here for you sister!

“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” — This is my favorite quote by Maya Angelou. It so succinctly conveys an important life lesson, that when followed will prevent a lot of disappointment (in more areas than just your love life).Recently one of my friends began dating someone and while each date was “good” there were signs,  that now in hindsight (she has broken up with him) were distinct warnings that the relationship was doomed.

1.  He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out.  If he used to text you a pic every day and then now it's crickets, he's not that into you.  If he says he's excited to see you but has no follow up plan, he's not that into you (especially if he lives alone).  If he makes zero attempt to follow up on a plan like (let's go see such and such movie) but then never responds to your inquiry of "when do you want to go see it" he's not that into you.  If a man is excited about a woman, he can’t stop himself— he wants more. If he’s attracted to her, he’s going to want to take it further. If he’s not making a move, it’s not because he is ‘scared’. The only thing he is scared of is how not attracted to you he is. 

2. You haven't been introduced to his friends. No, it's not that he wants to keep you all to himself. Be honest with yourself. When he likes you, he's going to want to show you off and see what his friends think about you. By introducing you to his friends, who are presumably a big part of his life, it shows that he wants to include you in all aspects of his life.

3. He’s just not that into you if he’s not calling you.  He says he didn’t have a moment in his busy day to call. Rubbish! The real reason is that you are not on his mind. If a man leads you to expect he will call and then doesn’t follow through on such a little thing, he will never follow through on big things. Be aware he is okay with the idea he is disappointing you. Changing plans once, I get. Twice is bad but I could understand. Anything else is just downright disrespectful. His actions are saying that you are not a priority you’re an option and not the best choice at the moment. Say bye-bye!

4.  He's not trying to see you. If there is one thing guys have made clear, it's that if they want to see you, they'll find a way. If you find yourself doing most of the inviting and planning, maybe you should take a step back and figure out why. It could just be that he's lazy and likes the fact that you're planning everything (entirely different issue), but if you're in the beginning of a relationship, it most likely means he's not that into it. Quit making plans and see what happens.

5.  If He’s M.I.A. Sure, they could be on a quick mission to Afghanistan to execute the world’s most feared terrorist, but chances are they’re not. Be leery of those who disappear for a few days, stop all communication, and then call suddenly. No thanks!

6. He communicates via TEXT and email. By doing so, he avoids the “getting to know you” conversations. He really isn’t interested in moving things forward. He wants the down and dirty. When can he see you? If you have already had sex, his TEXT is to set up his next booty call. He usually steers the conversation towards telling you how sexy you are and how he can’t wait to see you again. DUH!

7. He warns you that he isn’t relationship material.
Men usually say what they mean. He is telling you that he is not relationship material-at least with you-believe him! You might be the exception to the rule, but more than likely, you are not. He is probably going to have sex with you and dump you when things get too complicated (you want more from him).

8. He puts little planning into your date.He tells you that he wants to hang out and watch a movie or something. “Something” means having sex in case you haven’t figured that out by now. If you always go to the restaurant, because it is his favorite, he isn’t trying to please you. More than likely, he goes to different restaurants with different women. A guy that is really into you will plan a date. Even if the date doesn’t cost him a dime, he will plan.

9. He makes lots of empty promises. He keeps talking as if you have a future, but he takes little or no action. He talks about having a future together or all the fun things you will soon, but he doesn’t plan a date! Some men promise the moon, sun and stars, but deliver…nothing! He really isn’t that into you. Think about this. If he can’t come up with a few things that make you swoon despite his pocketbook, he isn’t that into you.

10. He makes last minute plans to see you.  You are just so glad he calls that you don’t realize that that he is definitely not that into you or he thinks that you have no life and would be readily available at his beck and call. Either way, if you accept, you aren’t scoring any points. You were probably one of the women in his “little black book” and not his first call.

11. He avoids the “getting-to-know you” conversations!  He really doesn’t want to get to know you better. He wants to know what he needs to know to get you into bed. If he really wants to get to know you better, he is asking questions about you, your life and what you want. If not, he is looking for the easiest, quickest booty call. He will flatter you! He will tell you how amazing you are! But he doesn’t really know anything about you. If you fall for this, don’t expect a call anytime soon. He will call you again when he is horny.

12. He is pushy about getting physical.  He tries to move things forward beyond the “make out” session with minimal clothing. If you resist, he makes you feel bad that you aren’t that into him. He says that he just wants to cuddle, but he is really trying to get more. (Just so you know, most men don’t really like cuddling. They do it because it gets them sex!) He is kissing and holding you, but in the process trying to take your blouse and pants off, wants sex. If he gets upset or offended when you put the kibosh on moving forward, he isn’t that into you. If someone really likes you, he is willing to wait until you are ready to move things forward.

13. You initiate and he doesn't follow through.  If you're really into a guy and you think he may be shy, try initiating a conversation, phone call or texting session. If you start the conversation, he'll want to continue it. However, if he doesn't return your calls or texts or tries to end the conversation quickly, he may not be into you.

14. His actions don't match his words.
If he says he'll call you and then you don't hear from him or if you suggest meeting up and he is "too busy," he probably isn't interested.  He takes forever to text or email you back in this technological age, there is nothing easier than sending someone a quick email or text. If your male companion takes hours — or even days — to respond to these simple forms of communication with even one line of acknowledgment, it’s time to kick him to the curb. This is not only lazy — it’s also rude. He might not be sending you a text message, but he is certainly sending you a clear message of another kind. On to the next one!

15. If you have been dating for a month or more and have never met his friends, he isn’t that into you.
When men think they have found a great catch, he want to show her off. If you don’t get an invitation to meet his friends, you aren’t that girl. He wants to see you alone but not integrate you into his life, this is not a good sign. If a man is really into you, he wants all his friends to see the woman he is dating. If this doesn’t happen, you are not the woman he wants to be with long term.

16. He says he just wants to be friends.  He means it. If you offer up sex as part of the package, he is willing to be friends with benefits. He isn’t stupid if you are! If you offer to satisfy him sexually, why not. If you think being friends with benefits will lead to more, it won’t. He isn’t into you in almost every case. When he finds someone who rocks his world, you are history.

17. He's not that into you if he's still hooking up with other women.
Or you even catch him at it, he’s not ready to settle down with you. Even if he still maintains inappropriate contact with exes or even other women friends he’s not ready to invest time in you or ready to have any kind of future. He’s just not worth the time if he’s out looking for someone else. Save yourself the heartache and move on. You’ll find someone who will be so thankful for you.

18. He’s just not that into you if he doesn’t want to marry you.  If he displays the same unexcusable behaviour as any ex you've had, RUN.  Every man you have dated who says he doesn’t want to get married or doesn’t believe in marriage, or has ‘issues’ with marriage, will, rest assured, someday be married. It just will not be to you.

Put them on blast I say..

My best friend who is more like a sister to me than my actual sister just found out this morning, that her boyfriend is not only married but has an entire family tucked away in another state!  This begs the question: Why do people cheat instead of just breaking up or asking for a divorce?  Why cheat on a girlfriend or a boyfriend or a spouse?  Why?  Why can't you just say to the person you no longer care for or are no longer attracted to; "Hey it's just not working for me anymore"?  Why lie, why cheat, why get someone else's feelings wrapped up in your Jerry Springer drama?   

I say finish what you started there, then go find someone else; why do you feel the need to have a back up plan?  Is it because you are too weak to be alone for five minutes?  Let the bed sheets cool for a second; damn.  Self service for a minute you'll survive; trust.  The question on the table is to tell or not to tell the spouse in question.  Would you want to know if your lover was cheating on you?  Do you want to answer that ringing phone?  Check that Facebook message from someone NOT on your friend list?  Answer the ringing doorbell?  Seriously, take a second; is the hell you know better than the hell you don't?  I say "hell yeah I want to know"!  Question is where is the line between vengeance and responsibility?  This guy has kids and a home and a mortgage, yada yada yada, does my best friend have the right to cause an upset in this family?  My concern is how many OTHER girls he has stashed away around the country (he works nationally); and do THOSE girls at least deserve to know they are not the only hen in his coop as my Nana would say?  Again my answer is yes!  Disrupt his/her deleterious behaviour, you owe them no loyalty now.  It's their mess, let them clean it up. 

Here's the thing Cheater:  You are not God's gift!  You are clearly NOT the love of your spouses/gf/bf life or you wouldn't be straying so do them a favor and LEAVE before sleeping with someone else, before making someone else fall in love with you, and trust you and then to ultimately be betrayed by you and suffer the same fate of your last lover.  Think about the collateral damage you are doing especially if children are involved!  What have these people done to you that you think they deserve your sloppy seconds and thirds; they deserve to be with someone who just wants to be with THEM, to be someone's one and only, they don't deserve your sorry ass!  Are you such a chicken shit liar that you cannot just tell people "hey look I am sleeping with a whole bunch of other people, you mean nothing to me and I'll be lucky to remember your name in the morning".  What's the matter slick, huh? think people won't fall for that smoothe pick up line?  No, I guess they wouldn't.  One day you're going to screw the wrong person over and they are going to light your world up with one weapon.  TRUTH  ever heard of it?  Nope, didn't think so.

I hope my friend calls your wife or Facebooks her or writes her a letter to your home address and tells her just what kind of low down, dirty, piece of pond scum she had the misfortune of marrying.  Then I hope your wife takes you for every dime of your paycheck for child support and alimony and then goes and meets the REAL love of her life, and my best friend can one day look at what's left of your pathetic self and laugh and say "yeah that was a real low point glad I found out who he really was before he hurt me any further".

I'm glad I never met you, you better hope we never do.

Marked and Beginnings

Don't you just love the beginning when you meet someone and you're talking and the conversation or texts just flow, like there is no work involved and then you meet in person and it's even better because not only does time fly without you taking any notice of it but the person across from you is so incredibly easy on the eyes that they literally take your breath away?  Where at any other time you are articulate and clever but in their presence your lucky to string two cohesive and structured sentences together?  Bonus points for smelling amazing to by the way; and when you look at them it's like they are almost perfect, the whole package right?  Outfit is perfect, nice smile that is genuine and when they speak you are hanging on every word because you don't want to miss anything.  This kind of fantastic being has flaws of course but you don't see them right now, all you see is nothing but yummy goodness.  This is the fun part; when they touch you for the first time, even if it's just a really; really; nice hug that you wish would last at least another five minutes.  You're excited to see their number on your phone, to hear their voice on the line; to be in their presence because when you are your body is all lit up inside, and you feel incredible, and you know you want to feel like this early, and often.  It's hard not to get wrapped up in that, to want to delve into that heavenly place and stay there.  You write awful prosaic prose and know better than to deem it poetry.  But this is the fun part, enjoy it, revel in it, and hope it lasts and lasts.

Swarovski...

I loathed jewelry, I mean I own zero pieces of jewelry, nothing; zip, zero, zilch.  NADA.  I just never understood the fascination with diamonds or gold so I never wanted anything from those store windows that seem to beckon my friends from across the mall right?  Alright so I was out shopping with my friends at the Woodland Hills mall here in Tulsa, Ok and I see this Swarovski store and there in the window is this phenomenal bracelet click here to view it. that had me doing quite an impressive imitation of Gollum's "my precious, me wants it" from Lord of The Rings. lol  I resisted temptation while still inquiring if it was something they typically sold or if it was a limited edition "it isn't thank God".