Online Diary of my adventures.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Golden caramel
1 cup of white sugar 6 tablespoons of real butter and 1-2 cup of heavy whipping cream.
Bed Heaven
Did I mention I LOVE my new bed? I woke up at 6 this morning, for those of you unaware of my sleeping patterns, this is a HUGE deal. I no longer want to jump out of bed, but rather sleep in another 10 or 30 minutes. My back hasn't felt this good in decades.
So I had a dream about my ex last night, from like 2001 and it wasn't a bad dream but I am not sure where it came from, in that we haven't run into each other out at the club in a few months, and then years before that so it was odd. Our break-up was pretty ugly, my mom was about to die and then did indeed pass and GZ spoke to my mom before she past and had a long phone conversation with her, and then would never tell me what she said, even until this very day I have NO idea what my mom said in her last days to GZ, why would you keep that from someones kid, their mom's dying thoughts? Anyway when I saw my ex out that anger from back then just sprang to the surface, because you have something I want and you are the only person who can give me this amazing gift, and you just won't because you're being a total dick a decade later, what did I ever do to you to deserve that?!
Whatever, anyway I had this dream that I was walking in our old neighborhood and ran into GZ and we exchanged pleasantries and it was nice, like in the old days when it was just the two of us, and we were a pretty fantastic team. I think GZ is someone I hurt more so than some other people I've dated when I was MUCH younger and a total idiot, and that's being generous. I think they're are more than a few people I owe an apology; not that they'd stand still long enough to hear it, that's how much damage I caused back in my selfish, self-centered days, when I thought it was all about me, in the here and now and didn't think about other people and how my actions would affect them. Yeah I was a real treat.
Some people say they have no regrets, I have many. I wish I could go back and take back what I said and did that I know seriously changed the landscape of some of my exes hearts; I caused that crater size crack, I almost singlehandedly built that metaphorical wall they have built around their heart because of damage I caused when our hearts were still young and vulnerable. I remember looking into their eyes and knowing, this pain is a different pain and you have to own that, and shame on you for doing this. At the time I didn't care, not like I do now; now I'm all heart and no malice and I choose to leave myself vulnerable because I know that in partiality I deserve any potential pain because of what I wrought in others who didn't deserve what I did to them, but I can't go back and undo what I did anymore than they wish they'd never fallen in love with me.
Who among us is perfect though? Who can say they navigated the waters of their twenties and didn't cause a single wake? Not many I venture to say. For what it's worth I have a hearts worth of remorse that I will carry always. I honor the memory of what could have been by not being who I was back then ever again.
Love is precious and life is fleeting; handle with care.
Christopher, Heather looks lovely and sweet and I hope she makes you happy. I hope you're enjoying Santa Cruz, Ted and I spent a great deal of time there growing up and also when I was pregnant with you so it's cool to think of you there. I wish we could talk and that I could see you and maybe take you to some places we found there while scaling the cliff faces. I love you and there isn't a hour that goes by that I don't think about you, not one.
So I had a dream about my ex last night, from like 2001 and it wasn't a bad dream but I am not sure where it came from, in that we haven't run into each other out at the club in a few months, and then years before that so it was odd. Our break-up was pretty ugly, my mom was about to die and then did indeed pass and GZ spoke to my mom before she past and had a long phone conversation with her, and then would never tell me what she said, even until this very day I have NO idea what my mom said in her last days to GZ, why would you keep that from someones kid, their mom's dying thoughts? Anyway when I saw my ex out that anger from back then just sprang to the surface, because you have something I want and you are the only person who can give me this amazing gift, and you just won't because you're being a total dick a decade later, what did I ever do to you to deserve that?!
Whatever, anyway I had this dream that I was walking in our old neighborhood and ran into GZ and we exchanged pleasantries and it was nice, like in the old days when it was just the two of us, and we were a pretty fantastic team. I think GZ is someone I hurt more so than some other people I've dated when I was MUCH younger and a total idiot, and that's being generous. I think they're are more than a few people I owe an apology; not that they'd stand still long enough to hear it, that's how much damage I caused back in my selfish, self-centered days, when I thought it was all about me, in the here and now and didn't think about other people and how my actions would affect them. Yeah I was a real treat.
Some people say they have no regrets, I have many. I wish I could go back and take back what I said and did that I know seriously changed the landscape of some of my exes hearts; I caused that crater size crack, I almost singlehandedly built that metaphorical wall they have built around their heart because of damage I caused when our hearts were still young and vulnerable. I remember looking into their eyes and knowing, this pain is a different pain and you have to own that, and shame on you for doing this. At the time I didn't care, not like I do now; now I'm all heart and no malice and I choose to leave myself vulnerable because I know that in partiality I deserve any potential pain because of what I wrought in others who didn't deserve what I did to them, but I can't go back and undo what I did anymore than they wish they'd never fallen in love with me.
Who among us is perfect though? Who can say they navigated the waters of their twenties and didn't cause a single wake? Not many I venture to say. For what it's worth I have a hearts worth of remorse that I will carry always. I honor the memory of what could have been by not being who I was back then ever again.
Love is precious and life is fleeting; handle with care.
Christopher, Heather looks lovely and sweet and I hope she makes you happy. I hope you're enjoying Santa Cruz, Ted and I spent a great deal of time there growing up and also when I was pregnant with you so it's cool to think of you there. I wish we could talk and that I could see you and maybe take you to some places we found there while scaling the cliff faces. I love you and there isn't a hour that goes by that I don't think about you, not one.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Stairs, pictures and mirrors oh my!
What's a girl to do with a massive wall in which to decorate? That's the question, to decorate or not to decorate, and if so how? People seem to fall into one of two camps, no decoration just wall and of course decorate it. I don't know where this aversion to hanging things came from but I am petrified to hang something in the wrong place, it seems to blessed permanent! I want it to be aesthetically pleasing also, but like art, design and decor are a matter of taste and preference, there is no right or wrong answer but people will judge it nonetheless. As this is my entrance into my domicile it behooves me to use it to set the tone for the rest of my home, but HOW?! I was thinking a large wall decal on the left of leaves as if they were blowing up the stairs and perhaps the same on the right, or pictures of carying frames and themes. I am at a total loss as to what to put where on all my walls, now that I have SO many and they are so high! Hanging these items is all I have left to do to feel really settled in, I just wish I had more input when actually hanging them. HELP
Monday, February 4, 2013
Kiss the cook
This weekend was one of the better I've had, and that is saying something. I slept in my new bed Friday night, and last night was night three and I will admit freely that I went from being in nauseating pain to no pain whatsoever in my back. I busted up my left knee and heel somehow but my back feels like I am 16 again! Thank you God for granting me the wisdom to invest in my comfort. It's easier to be pleasant when you're not operating on only a few hours of fitful sleep and in massive pain all the time.
Mr. Darcy is handling the move ok and is just really sticking to my side, Sookie however is alternating between hiding up in the chair to running around like nothing has changed, so I hope they settle down and get comfortable soon.
I look around my new home and feel like I can't believe it's all mine. I still need to hang pictures and the mirror but other than that I am completely unpacked and organized and am looking forward to making some happy memories there.
As you all know my home team lost the Super Bowl last night, but we'll do better next year! I made a few new recipes yesterday like the stuffed bread bowl. I also tried my hand at baking sour cream, cream cheese, and crispy crumbled bacon in a bread bowl and it was AMAZING!
I do my final walk-through at my old apartment tonight after work so I have faith that will go well. That's all for now.
Mr. Darcy is handling the move ok and is just really sticking to my side, Sookie however is alternating between hiding up in the chair to running around like nothing has changed, so I hope they settle down and get comfortable soon.
I look around my new home and feel like I can't believe it's all mine. I still need to hang pictures and the mirror but other than that I am completely unpacked and organized and am looking forward to making some happy memories there.
As you all know my home team lost the Super Bowl last night, but we'll do better next year! I made a few new recipes yesterday like the stuffed bread bowl. I also tried my hand at baking sour cream, cream cheese, and crispy crumbled bacon in a bread bowl and it was AMAZING!
I do my final walk-through at my old apartment tonight after work so I have faith that will go well. That's all for now.
Delicious
Homemade garlic and real butter infused bread bowl stuffed with hamburger and cheddar and topped with mozzarella.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)