My job isn't easy, and I try to leave it there, I do; but sometimes I can't or don't and I think about how if I had a child, I would love it and never, ever let any harm I could control happen to it. Certainly not by my hand or that of someone I put in their realm you know? So many people are blessed to have a passel of children, and I just look to Heaven and ask the Lord for just one. One I can carry to term, one born healthy and where we can watch her or him grow up healthy and happy and live a long life as a family.
I don't believe God is punishing me, although I certainly would deserve it after the poor choices I made in my past when I thought I should follow my heart, when really it was a chance to make the right choice and I didn't. Live and learn. But now I wonder if I wasted my best fertile years with someone who couldn't have cared less and so now my large, beautiful (almost paid off) home will remain silent and still and organized and clean, and company ready forever.
Dust motes won't be disturbed by a diaperless baby running down the hall with Shawn and I running after it with a diaper and jammies, while we laugh hysterically at the sight of familial chaos.
Don't take one moment for granted dear reader, if you are lucky enough to have children or family, you'll miss them when their gone when your friends become your family because everyone in your family has passed on.
I don't want my arms to be empty forever.
