KWATAQNUK Resort on Flathead

Off we go to Flathead Thursday for 5 nights to fish and go to Glacier and Saint Mary Lake and wherever else Porch thinks I NEED to see or do.  Porch is the bravest man I have ever met, and he constantly reminds me to call upon my long buried spirit, and remain free.  There's absolutely nothing I cannot accomplish now.  I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, to see a hint of anger or frustration or the end of patience, a flash of rage, and nothing.  Peace and serenity lies within him now.  Our Veterans that saw action while embedded with special forces, have a unique view upon return home, a carefully contained power, but I only see it when he knows I need to draw a tiny fraction of that strength as I continue to heal.  Most of all, we laugh, we are silly, we are crazy goofy, and there is joy and elation, simply for the sake of still being alive and being grateful for that; to have been so close to the edge and not fallen over, we count as a win, a live each day to the fullest because some of our beloved friends and family cannot.  You can't explain that to someone who doesn't know that place, you can't expect them to be able to comprehend that which they've never experienced.  Simply, we speak the same language.  He says that I phrase things in such a way that breaks his heart, that he wants to patch it up, heal it from the inside out, but he doesn't know that he already has.  I'm giving him a walk-through of my internal remodel, the before and after photos if you will.  Pretty sure we are addicted to the way we feel when we are together, it's light and love and laughter, nonstop, ab sore, cheeks and jaw sore from smiling laughter, the silliness, just what the Doctor ordered.  

Northern Quest and Circling Raven

Holy crap so much has changed due to Covid and the smoke is atrocious!  I brought Porch to Worley, Idaho (4 free night’s the k you very much) and one of my beloved spas bares little resemblance to what I remember just a short year ago.  I mean, the machines are still loose for me, both here and at Northern Quest, the Diamond 💎 Buffalo last night at 2 am was just hot for me, 75 free games!  So many new memories at the hotels and mall and cities, as I look over the meadow from our bed, I don’t recognize the woman inside, anymore than I do the cities I have come to love over the last 5 years.  

Coeur d'Alene here we come!

Porch and I are headed to Idaho/Spokane and it feels good to be getting out of town for some rest and relaxation!

Please share this to any group you belong to that supports Law Enforcement. Actions speak louder than words, let’s show our support together! We don’t want to forget to include any likeminded folks. This is a nonpartisan, LEO support event, where we can all link metaphorical arms, and say, “You’ll have to go through us, to get anywhere near them”.

https://facebook.com/events/s/back-the-blue-parade/612392926133138/?ti=icl

Updates

I had an idea on lunch one day.  406 Back the Blue.  The rest, as they say; is history.  I spoke on a Zoom call with the Mayor and the Commission, they took my name and the next day it was in the paper, and people started flocking to my group.  I spoke on the second call as well, and my group went from 15 on day one to almost 11k today; and rising every day.  We were able to convince the Commission to keep School Resource Officers in schools and in the HPD budget,  People really want to show their support for LEO's.  I did a few news interviews.  Seemed like the idea of a visual thank you to Law Enforcement was just what the Doctor ordered.  Now the group has grown into so much more than me feeding Lewis and Clark LEO's and their support staff.  Now it's my yard signs from here to North Dakota, bumper stickers, tee shirts, etc.

LCCSO let me spend last Sunday doing ride along, which everyone can typically do, but with Covid-19 they had to pause the program.  I was accepted into the Helena Police Department Citizen Academy that starts in September.  I applied to be a Reserve Sherriff's Deputy for the LCCSO. 

 
My life revolves around this group and Porch, and traveling and camping and fishing and hiking and eating at every restaurant we encounter.  Ask me about calamari fish sticks, or On Broadway spinach angel hair pasta, or garlic artichoke dip, or Chubby's Porky, (to die for), or The Damn Bar's mozzarella cheese curds.  The Copper Furrow and Lakeside are our haunts for the most part.  I practically live on a boat now.  #Bliss  I look like I've been to the Caribbean, I am so tan. 

 
Porch's friends have a camper on the other side of the fence from Lakeside and there's a handy fence walkthrough so we can run back and forth for drinks or dinner.  Ever played "washers"?  I hadn't before Porch either.  Ask me about the bat Friday night, winged spawn of Satan.  Porch laughed so hard he almost cried.  

I never thought I'd find the woman I was before I moved here, brave, audacious, no fear, self confident and assured, it seems all I needed to do was do the hard thing for the right reasons, and not be selfish and stand alone in the unknown and face my fears, my faults, my shortcomings, and admit my mistakes, and false starts, and grow and learn.

I know I don't deserve this peace, this happiness, this utter contentment, but I'll take it.  I do deserve the love I receive from this amazing and brave and kind man, I do deserve the laughter and laugh lines, and the cheek pain from smiling so hard for so long, and the exhaustion from playing hard and loving harder.

How to kiss a woman properly

A proper kiss:   

Back her up against the wall. 

Use your knee to spread her thighs. 

Press your thigh against her sex. 

Grab her wrists and hold them above her head. 

Brush her hair from her face. 

Lift her chin until your eyes meet. 

Look her intently in the eye as if you desire to devour her. 

Lean in closely. 

Wait for her to close her eyes. 

Then, and only then, brush your lips against hers. 

Let your tongue find hers. 

Never break the kiss first. 

That, my friend, is how you kiss a lady.

Blind Willie Johnson

You'll love this:

Hopeful

'Ah, the passage of time is swift.  Let's see, where did we leave off last?  Unknown.  So Shawn and I got an amicable divorce.

I realize now that I was never meant to have a family, not in the traditional sense at any rate.  I love my friends and the family I have left, is sufficient.  I made peace with the war that raged inside me for 5 years.

I have new interests, skills, hobbies, friends, job, apartment, and someone I care a great deal for.

I had to process the divorce and deal with isolation with Covid, but now; I hardly recognize myself, I am healed, from the inside out, and I did it all on my own, it took like, what felt like forever; but I am whole once again.

I made so many mistakes in the last 5 years, but I know that I have made peace with that chapter and am ready for this new and exciting opportunity.  I learned about myself and what kind of partner I am capable of being and want to be, and what I want in a partner going forward.  Even if I end up alone, I am really ok with that.  I like this new me, I am proud of myself, and what I accomplished without any help from anyone, seriously the world was closed, it was curl up and die or thrive, I chose to thrive.

I am making healthy decisions now, and learned what boundaries are for, and I live by that.  My past still has a habit of showing up in the aisles of Hobby Lobby or out at Lakeside, both of my exes were represented in force Saturday night, all their coworkers, right next to each other at opposite tables, rolling my eyes as I sit here, but instead of being nostalgic, I was laughing at the Fate's, because earlier that day I ran into the Ex and immediately engaged evasive maneuvers, just to avoid the awkward conversation moment for us both.

My love interest is unlike any man I've ever had the pleasure of encountering.  The way I feel in his presence, or even just when I think about him, I have this euphoric feeling I cannot explain.  He could be reading the instruction manual and I would be in his thrall.

He's everything I've ever wanted, and more.  I couldn't have written a better man in character form in a story.  He's my dream come to life, and all I see is him.  First person I think of in the morning, and the last person I think about at night.

I'm in perfect health, and mentally clear, and my heart is healed and whole and open to new adventures, and this new love and with my new and healthy friendships; I feel hopeful that even without my own family, I can still have a full and happy life.

Feeling like the Phoenix who rose from the ashes.