Hopeful

'Ah, the passage of time is swift.  Let's see, where did we leave off last?  Unknown.  So Shawn and I got an amicable divorce.

I realize now that I was never meant to have a family, not in the traditional sense at any rate.  I love my friends and the family I have left, is sufficient.  I made peace with the war that raged inside me for 5 years.

I have new interests, skills, hobbies, friends, job, apartment, and someone I care a great deal for.

I had to process the divorce and deal with isolation with Covid, but now; I hardly recognize myself, I am healed, from the inside out, and I did it all on my own, it took like, what felt like forever; but I am whole once again.

I made so many mistakes in the last 5 years, but I know that I have made peace with that chapter and am ready for this new and exciting opportunity.  I learned about myself and what kind of partner I am capable of being and want to be, and what I want in a partner going forward.  Even if I end up alone, I am really ok with that.  I like this new me, I am proud of myself, and what I accomplished without any help from anyone, seriously the world was closed, it was curl up and die or thrive, I chose to thrive.

I am making healthy decisions now, and learned what boundaries are for, and I live by that.  My past still has a habit of showing up in the aisles of Hobby Lobby or out at Lakeside, both of my exes were represented in force Saturday night, all their coworkers, right next to each other at opposite tables, rolling my eyes as I sit here, but instead of being nostalgic, I was laughing at the Fate's, because earlier that day I ran into the Ex and immediately engaged evasive maneuvers, just to avoid the awkward conversation moment for us both.

My love interest is unlike any man I've ever had the pleasure of encountering.  The way I feel in his presence, or even just when I think about him, I have this euphoric feeling I cannot explain.  He could be reading the instruction manual and I would be in his thrall.

He's everything I've ever wanted, and more.  I couldn't have written a better man in character form in a story.  He's my dream come to life, and all I see is him.  First person I think of in the morning, and the last person I think about at night.

I'm in perfect health, and mentally clear, and my heart is healed and whole and open to new adventures, and this new love and with my new and healthy friendships; I feel hopeful that even without my own family, I can still have a full and happy life.

Feeling like the Phoenix who rose from the ashes.