Today, something extraordinary is happening. Something I have longed for, prayed over, cried through, and nearly given up on. Today, I am welcoming a baby girl—a four-month-old foster daughter—into my life. And tomorrow, I turn 51.
It’s hard to put into words what this moment means. It’s the crescendo of decades of hope, pain, resilience, and longing. A lifetime of feeling like I was waiting at a station for a train that everyone said had already passed. But here it is. She is here. And I am becoming something I thought I might never get to be again: “Mom.”
The Road That Brought Me Here
I didn’t arrive at this moment unscathed. Life has knocked me around more times than I can count. I have survived heartbreak, loss, betrayal, and disappointment. I have been ridiculed for where I come from, rejected by the very communities I’ve tried to pour my heart into, and left out of the stories that should have included me.
I’ve endured the silence of rooms where everyone else had family updates, birthday plans, grandchild photos—and I had none. I’ve fought through the crushing voice of an eating disorder that tried to steal not just my body, but my spirit. And somehow, through the fire of all of it, I built something solid from the ashes. A life of purpose, even in loneliness. A life rooted in service—to my community, to law enforcement, to kids who needed a voice.
But deep down, there has always been this one ache that never fully went away: the desire to love a child, raise a child, call someone mine. Not for the sake of performance, not because it would complete some picture-perfect family portrait, but because I have so much love to give.
And Then Came Her
Now, as I prepare her crib, organize her tiny clothes, and sterilize bottles, I feel every moment of my past pressing into the present. Not to haunt me—but to remind me how hard-won this joy is.
She’s only four months old. She doesn’t know yet what it means to be safe. To be loved deeply. To be wanted. But I will teach her. I will bathe her in affection, speak life over her, and show up every single day—even when I’m exhausted, even when the grief of my past sneaks in and whispers that I’m too late.
Because I’m not too late. I’m exactly right on time. Her time. My time.
The Weight of 51
Fifty-one is not the age most people imagine starting over with a baby. And yet here I am, standing at the edge of this beautiful, terrifying new beginning.
There is no family gathering planned for my birthday. No children or grandchildren rushing through the front door with balloons and laughter. No partner to hold my hand through the sleepless nights ahead. But what I do have is my fierce determination. My calling. My dog curled up beside me. A career that has taught me discipline and grace. A faith that refuses to be shaken. And now, this child.
I’m not surrounded by dozens of loved ones. But I am not alone. Because she’s here.
Dreams for Her
Already, I’ve spent hours researching everything from swimming classes to figure skating, from horseback riding to hockey. Archery, target practice (because let’s be honest, she’s going to learn to shoot straight like her mama), gymnastics, STEM programs, violin, art. I want to give her options. I want her to see how big the world is, and know that she is free to dream.
I want her to know that her beginning doesn’t define her. That her story, no matter how it started, is hers to write. And I will be there—every chapter, every page, every comma.
This Is Not the End—This Is the Prologue
Today is not just the day I become a foster mother.
Today is the day I honor every version of me that survived to make this moment possible. The girl who played school with egg cartons and dreamed of being a mom. The woman who lost too much, who was told she was too much. The person who gave her life to others even when her own heart was breaking.
Today is proof that God hears what we can’t even say out loud. That love finds a way through impossible doors. That the aching heart can still be filled—even if the timeline is unconventional.
Tomorrow, I turn 51.
And today, I am someone’s safe place.
God help me to be everything she needs—and more.
Because she is already everything I needed and didn’t even know.
#MomAt51
#FosterLove
#NewBeginnings
#ThisIsFamily
#ChosenLove
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