Santa Cruz

This is where we used to go and hang out in Santa Cruz and camp when the cops wouldn't kick us off the beach.  Slippery and dangerous and VERY loud but incredibly wild and beautiful.  Click the two links below!
The "toilet bowl"                             Beautiful

I know..

Her mere proximity gives me the most peculiar sensation, like the kind of heat sent out when a log shatters to ash in a fire.  I knew without turning around; she was there.  Fallen by Lauren Kate

Wrapped up in you

Our topic of conversation is how many times can you fall in love?  I mean we all fall in lust off and on throughout our lives, but the love to which I am referring is the all consuming, no holds barred, unconditional love.  What about you, how many times in your life do you believe you've actually fallen completely in love?  My follow up is do you ever fall out of that love; or do you simply lose hope that it'll ever reach it's true and full potential, and that love resides in you always?  Here's my quandary;  my parents met when they were just teenagers in San Francisco, and they fell in love and got married and had my sister and I from that love right?  My parents were just kids at the time though, and their youth and environment caused them to part amicably, but I know from growing up with my father that he never, ever stopped loving my mom, she was his true love for life or longer.  Eventually my dad remarried and so did my mom and my brother came from that short relationship, but both subsequently divorced and neither married again and both died alone.  I know that you can grow to love someone over time, you learn to respect and value that person and their special gifts and characteristics but it is it your true love or a love? 

My co-worker and I are very different but we agreed on this one example of my theory:  If you brought together in a room her ex and men who favor him in looks, mannerisms, economical status, etc.. that she would inevitably still choose him; even if every man in the room truly loved her, and wanted to be with her forever and give her the life she and her daughter deserve, and spend the time with them that she craves, she would still seek to garner her exes love and acceptance and she would continue to ignore his shortcomings, and constant rejection of her and she would fight to the end and never admit that he simply doesn't see her as his true love therefore dubbing her irrelevant and easily replaced and cast aside for another.  Although my co-worker wishes she had control over her feelings for him, and that her mind would get on the same page as her heart and wake up to reality and see that he not only doesn't love her, but he doesn't even like her.

Speaking on a personal level I know that when I think of Butter or I know I am going to see Butter, to this very moment in time I literally have a physical reaction, my body just responds to the thought of being in close proximity to my ex.  Time itself warps and bends and ceases to progress at it's normal rate, and a hour becomes three; now when I actually SEE Butter, our hour together is like a second and it's gone before either of us know it.  I get so caught up, so wrapped up in that ethereal place that exists in our time, in our place that my mind and body completely relax, and I know a contentment unparallelled and unmatched and I never want to leave that realm.  Yeah, see as I write this I shake my head because I am convincing myself of what I know to be true, you have one true love, and yes you may learn to love another but to feel that pull, that exhilaration, that excitement from just a simple thought or dream or fantasy of your true love, that is reserved for just one person I think, but hey..what do I know?

Jazzed

My new grill  Alright so things are getting better every day!  Cocktails on the rooftop of the Mayo hotel watching the sunset with my people, and dancing till dawn, and Krispy Kreme heaven, I just cannot wish for more, except of course I do...just one more thing but patience will have to be my virtue.  I decided to buy myself a grill and my friends are lined up to teach me how to be a grill master so fingers crossed I pick it up fast because I plan on grilling out a LOT this summer.  Today I am off early so I'm headed to buy my new swimsuit to lounge around my salt water pool and get even darker, "if that's possible".  As I write this the store is assembling my grill for me so I can pick it up tonight, SO excited!  I will be 38 on Monday, and I have the day off to spend by my grill and swimming with my friends, does it GET better than this? 

Glazed old fashioned

Donuts and chocolate shops in lieu of clubbing with my pals in OKC, car is fixed thank God, so r & r for the rest of the weekend.

Best laid plans

So my friend followed me last night and she goes "Sam you know you have no brake lights right?" so two hours later this morning my trip is cancelled and my car is in the shop.

I hate being right

I never judge you-not for being who you are, not for what you can or cannot feel, and not for anything you've done or are capable of doing.